One remote to rule them all

"Do you have price-match on this remote," I asked the Futureshop salesperson innocently, keeping all manner of premeditated mischief carefully hidden behind a seemingly uninformed facade. Unbeknownest to the salesperson, I had in my pocket a printout from Dell.ca that would make him and his manager rue the day some two-bit marketing hack at Futureshop HQ decided to roll out their foolhardy policy to price-match all competitors' advertised prices. "Of course, we do, sir!" he replied cheerfully, confident that whatever price difference there was between his store and that of his competitor would be so neglible relative to the profit he would make from the sale that the he would glad me throw me a bone with the price-match. But when he saw the $170 price difference his confident manner quickly abandoned him, and in its place came a sense of fear.

Sensing that the tide had turned against him, the salesperson, though still friendly, began to deliver a set-play script about how impossible it would be for him to fulfill this price-match. The piece he delivered was brilliant in its simplicity: the price difference was too great and Dell's price was below even Futureshop's at-cost price. A lesser man may have walked out at that point. Indeed I too would have walked away from the store dejected had I not been motivated by the beauty of the Harmony 880 universal remote, a remote so powerful that to call it a remote would be an affront and insult to its 3-inch colour LCD display. I stood my ground and insisted, in the most cordial way possible, that he call his manager. Seeing that I had called his bluff, the salesperson folded, rang up purchase, and congratulated me on an "awesome deal".

And how is the Harmony 880, you ask? In a word: magnificent. Come by some time, and I'll show it to you. But like George Bluth Sr likes to say, NO TOUCHING!


Your Favorite Jerk