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Monday, June 19, 2006

An epiphany on the Bloor-Danforth line

Normally, I bring my iPod along for the subway ride back from Kipling because I find the music helps drown out the sounds of the train and puts me to sleep. But I forgot to bring my iPod this Saturday, and left to its own devices, free of muzak marinade, my mind started to wander and I began a process of self evaluation. Somewhere between Keele and Landsdowne I had an epiphany. I realized that the fatigue I wrote about in my last post had started building up around the time of my move. It was around the end of May that I started feeling tired--tired of pleading, waiting, adjusting, and conceding. My pleading, it seemed, always fell on deaf ears, and I was left to wait, adjust, and eventually concede. The latter three, being silent, were rarely acknowledged; but the former, the pleading, was always received, discarded and filed away under the "demanding" heading. In the end, all parties involved became tired and guilt-ridden.

The solution is simple: it is easier to wear slippers than it is to carpet the whole world. It begins with me. From now on, I will not plead for changes to plans that are inmutable and fixed, and I will not make quiet sacrifices that were never asked of me in the first place.



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