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Monday, November 06, 2006

Shipping and Receiving

It's five minutes to noon and my referee's report, the final piece of a challenging scholarship application puzzle, has still not arrived from Vancouver. If I don't get the Fedex package with the report in the next five minutes, I probably won't get it at all today. That's bad news because my application is due at 5:00PM. It's time to toss the Easy button and bring out the Panic button.

I call Vancouver and politely ask for the Fedex tracking number of the report. The voice on the other end sounds at once confused and alarmed as it informs me that the package had been delivered at 9:30AM this morning and was signed by an A. Appleby. At this point both of us are worried because names like A. Appleby, J. Smith, and H. Jablome are common pseudonyms people give to get rid of the pesky courier asking for a signature early in the morning. If my suspicions are correct, the courier had probably been unable to find my office and dropped off the package to at nearest shipping and receiving office he could find. I thank the sender because I know it's out of her hands and rush down to the shipping and receiving warehouse to try my luck.

The warehouse looks uncanily like the fictional one at Dunder Mifflin, and the guys who work there have the same sartorial traits as Roy and the rest of his crew. I walk in cautiously, sidestepping packages marked Hazardous and Fragile, and reach one of the grey-suited men. I ask for A. Appleby and brace for the inevitable laughter. I expect the man to shout to his buddies that some schmuck had come down looking for "A. Appleby" followed by their hearty laughter at my expense. But to my pleasant surprise, the man beams and says that he is A. Appleby. I get my package and the application is complete. Close call!

Your Favorite Jerk

For those who are sheltered or otherwise slow, the H in H. Jablome is quite often Haywood.


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