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Thursday, April 07, 2005

How not to sell a Whopper

Few can resist the temptation of a Whopper--thick, charbroiled patty; juicy, unnaturally large pieces of tomatoe; fresh lettuce; sesame seed buns that melt in your mouth; and who can forget the special sauce. On Wednesdays, the siren call of the Whopper is even harder to resist because the drug dealers at Burger King sell the delicious sandwhich at half price. Let's be honest, even at full price you don't have to try very hard to sell a burger that has 700 calories. Something this deliciously decadent and addictive should practically sell itself--much like crack.

But this is how NOT to sell a Whopper: put your storefront directly under a speaker connected to the hospital announcement system. I don't care how delicious your burgers are--and I don't deny that they are very very delicious in a make-your-knees-weak sort of way--but if I'm in line to get a 700 calorie burger, the last thing I want to hear is "CODE BLUE: 15 ALPHA". It's not that I don't understand the urgency that a heartattack (code blue) naturally demands, but come on, pleae don't remind me when I'm waiting in line for my cholesterol fix.

Your Favorite Jerk


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