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Thursday, May 05, 2005


If you've seen the movie "Old School", you'll no doubt recall the memorable scene where Will Farrel's character, who having abstained from alcohol for some time, tastes his first sip of beer from a frat house beer-hose and exclaims in a classic Farrelesque way, "It tastes so good when it hits your lips!" These days I make the same proclaimation--albeit in my head, and in far less dramatic fashion--every morning when that first drop from a large Tim Horton's double-double hits my lips. Say what you will about Timho's not being up to snuff, but as far as I'm concerned coffee is coffee, and so long as it serves it's primary function--a caffeine delivery vehicle--I don't care if the beans are grown carefully on the shadey slopes of a Kenyan mountain or haphazardly in the shadey warehouses off East Hastings St.

My sudden appreciation for coffee is due in large part to my busy school/work schedule this week, which has forced me to sustain myself on a paultry sum of four or five hours of sleep everyday. What I miss most about the benefits of sleep isn't alertness or alacrity, but patience--something that I must confess I possess little of even when given abundant sleep. I find that the less I sleep, the more impatient I become. Everything and everybody seems to be taking an unreasonably long time: there's the elevator that takes 2 minutes too long to arrive; the couple that takes 30 seconds too long to decide between Boston Cream or Chocolate Glazed; and then there's the geriatric in her motorized scooter, who enjoys riding down the middle of the sidewalk at the tortuously slow speed of 1km/h. Woman, for goodness sakes, that scooter has four wheels and a three horsepower motor! Do you know how powerful three horses are? I shouldn't be able to outpace three whole horses!!!!!

I sincerely hope I can get some sleep soon. I crave it. Every sinew of my body longs to shut down and be bathed in sweet rejuvenating sleep. Maybe I'll get some shuteye during my shift tonight...the 10pm to 4am one.

Your Favorite Jerk


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